I’m writing this tonight, because I had been in a relatively good mood recently, before I woke up this morning feeling angry, bitter, and frustrated.
It was interesting, because I realized how much I unconsciously suppress my more ‘negative’ emotions. It made me aware of how judged I feel, when I don’t put on a happy face.
It also made me see how much crap I take on from other individuals, who are not sympathetic to the human condition.
I believe that all of us do this shame thing to ourselves. We are glum; someone makes a not so nice comment about it, and wallah, we internalize the idea that it isn’t okay to feel the feelings we are having.
I believe that especially in this pseudo-psychological climate, of be positive, or else, it’s nearly impossible to not be affected at some level by all of the jargon.
I think that women especially have a difficult time with the emotion of anger, and rage. We are supposed to be nice, yes? Most of us are conditioned to be pleasant, and to hold in feelings that might cause discord around us.
It’s not really so important for me to list the reasons why I’m feeling so angry and bitter. I just wanted to share what having these feelings come up were like for me.
I think that collectively we spend an awful lot of time trying to convince ourselves that we’re fine, or great, or have nothing to be upset about.
The thing is, that acting doesn’t cut it, and it’s absolutely exhausting. Attempting to keep anger, sadness, depression, and other not so socially acceptable emotions hidden, has a great cost on us as people.
It’s especially draining, when we try to hide these feelings from ourselves, and mash them down into the dank realms of our being.
I did my best to allow my genuine feelings to be with me today, rather than smiling broadly at everyone I see.
It’s not like everything is fantastic, now that I gave myself permission to feel angry, but it’s liberating in a sense. Not stuffing down my emotions is key for both my physical and psychological health.
And releasing all of this material, makes me feel a little lighter, and like I have, perhaps, one less thing to actually be angry about.