Major Paranoia

It’s easy to feel like a victim in this world. Especially under certain circumstances.

Being chronically ill, is draining psychologically, physically, and spiritually.

Recently, I began a new treatment for my Crohn’s disease. It’s a bi-montly injection, and it doesn’t seem to be working well, at least not yet.

About 2 weeks ago, right before a trip with my boyfriend to Hawai’i, my computer was hacked into.

Being ill to begin with is hard, and feels like a violation of one’s self.

Having someone invade your personal data, change your own passwords on you, and perform a whole unknown range of activities concerning your credit cards, banking accounts,  and whatever else, is hugely disturbing.

I continued to have issues with this, while in Hawaii, and even now that I am home.  Though I’ve taken my laptop into a computer repair store, to have spyware, malware, and whatever else is on my computer, removed, I am still being overwhelmed by feelings of angst and paranoia.

I nearly had a nervous breakdown in Hawai’i, as I don’t know much about computers, and couldn’t differentiate between what was normal, and abnormal when it came to pop up windows, and a whole range of other things, on both my phone, and my computer.

I think I am more upset about how affected I’ve been by this situation, than I am by the situation itself.

I’m back home now, with a protective program called Bitdefender currently on my computer. I’m still in panic mode. It’s totally exhausting.

It sort of feels like some stranger has yanked away my journal, read it, and used everything they could against me.

Have any one of you found yourself in this situation before? How did you deal with it?Did it affect your level of trust regarding people in general?

It has had this impact on me. I’ve always been fairly trusting. The whole experience has made me very sad-even depressed.

I’m just hoping that I can calm down, and remember the good people I know. And, believe that most people in this world, are not out to get me.

1 Comment

  1. Oh jeeees, I’m so sorry you’ve had this happen. That’s absolutely awful! I’ve always thought that things like computer hacking or physical robbery – even just someone lurking around your house or breaking in without stealing anything, or hacking your email without taking anything financially – are all utterly disgusting things for people to do. It’s such an invasion of privacy and I can only imagine the emotional impact it’s had on you. I’m lucky in never having had a computer hacked like that with details taken, used or finances affected. I think I would be equal parts a crying mess and livid. All we can do is our best with keeping things safe and secure, but I do think it can pay to be a little sceptical. That said, I think over time I’ve actually become incredibly sceptical and distrusting of a lot of things and probably people in general. I hope this is a one off, that it never, ever happens again to you. Most people in this world are compassionate and trustworthy, but there will always be some who are vile and things like this can happen no matter how prepared you are or how computer savvy you may be. Is there anything I can do to help at all? Obviously change all your passwords for everything, and include upper case/numbers/special letters to make them less hack-able. I’m just so sorry this has happened. Sending lots of hugs your way  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
    Caz xx

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