Falling Down

I am doing my best. Just getting out of bed at any reasonable hour has become a hardship.

Today, I was in my pajamas until after 2PM.

I spent much of my time awake, searching obsessively for an affordable room or cabin, on the Big Island, of Hawaii.

There is nothing available. I don’t even know that I’d feel any better there.

With depression, at least how I’ve experienced it, being in a beautiful environment doesn’t necessarily eradicate it.

Sometimes, it can make my depression worse, because I travel alone. Too much alone time when I’m depressed is seldom a good idea.

People who aren’t in touch with their feelings, or those who don’t comprehend the difference between sadness and depression, can be annoying to deal with.

Something about living with depression, or with any illness, for that matter, makes people think you are a child with poorly developed cognitive skills.

People are just trying to help, when they share unwanted advice. I know they mean well. But the kind of suggestions I get, can come out sounding condescending.

“Why don’t you become a volunteer?”

“Why don’t you get a part-time job?”

“It’s not healthy having so much free time on your hands.”

The thing is, that I already am aware of my options. I know it’s not healthy spending oodles of time alone.

Often, I feel so tired, that I struggle just getting through the day, without going back to bed.

Structure can be a good thing, which is why I’m going back to college in January.

Until then, I’m at something of a loss, as to know what to do to improve my mood.

Hopefully, I’ll come up with some new ideas, shortly…

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