Gray Days

It is a very gray day here in Ashland.

I believe I’m gray, inside, too.

The seasons have changed, and with that change, my thoughts have grown darker.

Perhaps I’m just in need of more Vitamin D?

I think I might need to yank out my light box, which if used correctly does help some with seasonal affective disorder.

I have also put back on all the weight I lost while ill-and It seems I’m continuing to get bigger.

I’m someone who eats more, when I’m feeling lonely and depressed.

I also feel at some level that I SHOULD be able to eat what I want. Especially when I feel the way I have been lately.

If you are a smoker, you can stop smoking. A heroin addict, you can(hopefully) stop shooting up. If you are a gambler, you can stop gambling.

But, you cannot give up eating.

I think I need to be in some sort of group, for people who are dieting, other than weight watchers, which I cannot stand.

It just adds to my feeling low, when I see how my clothes are fitting, and how I look in the mirror.

Because I have CFS, and other health issues which are draining energetically, I cannot exercise much. I know this sounds like an excuse, but it isn’t.

So, sometime soon I’m going to be asking for help in dealing with the weight gain, and support so I can actually lose the weight that is burdening me.

I suppose there is no time like the present.

I’ll have to figure something out, here. I can’t do this on my own. I’ve tried repeatedly, and am at a loss.

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Shot from inside of Noble coffee, in Ashland, OR

2 Comments

  1. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low, and I ‘get’ the issue with exercise when so unbelievably exhausted. As someone who’s dealt with eating disorders and still battles the voice in my head, I will just say that food and ‘comfort eating’ are incredibly difficult to navigate, so please don’t be so hard on yourself. Realising that it’s a problem and that you’re not happy with the way things are is a good start. I do wonder whether something mood-wise may help initially (blood work is still a good idea, like with Vit D, but also B12, iron, folate, magnesium). Worth speaking to the doc about perhaps..?Not that it will necessarily help, but you can always drop me an email if ever you wanted to chat. I wish I could do something to help, but please know you’re not alone and that things won’t always feel like this. Sending gentle hugs xxxx
    Caz

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