Heavy as a Stone

Lovely colors in Lithia Park, Ashland OR

It’s been really challenging lately to remain focused and centered.

All of the work and the excitement of my Bat Mitzvah, now over, has left me feeling lethargic and unmotivated.

The days shortening always seem to impact my mood negatively. While I’m glad there are cooler temperatures, and even some rain, this aspect of Fall doesn’t sit well with my temperament.

Over the past year, I got used to meeting with Rabbi Joshua regularly, to talk about spiritual matters, and about life in general. He is on Sabbatical now, for 9 months.

There is a lovely woman Rabbi who is taking his place, named Julie, while he’s away, but I don’t know her well.

Yesterday, she, myself, and several other congregants went to see an Israeli film, called, the Cake Maker. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend that you do.

It’s about a German man named Thomas, who owns a bakery in Berlin, and who develops a relationship with a Jewish man from Israel, who visits frequently for business reasons.

It skillfully goes off into unexpected directions, and leaves you caring for the characters greatly, because they are such good actors, and so real.

It’s probably my favorite movie I’ve seen(though I don’t go to movies often…), in an extremely long time.

So, I’m doing my best to stay busy, but still alone a good portion of the time. I have my devoted small handful of friends, but they are very busy.

It’s hard to have health issues, be unemployed, and keep myself motivated. Sticking to a schedule is pretty impossible for me, in part because I’m one of those flakey artistic types…

I’m thinking about going back to college, at Southern Oregon University, as I never got my degree eons ago, at UC Santa Cruz. I’d be studying for a BFA-a Bachelor of Fine Arts, if I do go.

Part of me feels like I’m too advanced as a painter, to go back to college, and art classes. But another part of me craves the sense of community, and learning that college life can bring.

We’ll see. I applied for the Winter Semester there, and need to get my transcripts sent to the college. I don’t believe I’ll have a problem getting in, but I suppose you never know.

I do know that I need a focus. And some structure definitely helps.

1 Comment

  1. I’d not heard of Cake Maker before os thanks for the recommendation. I’m sorry you’ve having a difficult time of things of late with the change in season and after the busy period to be left feeling a little lost and unmotivated. Thinking of going back to college is interesting, studying for the Bachelor of Fine Arts could be really exciting! Studying and college, as you wrote, are more than just the qualifications, it’s the sense of achievement, being part of something, focus and structure, community…. Keep us posted!! Sending hugs, hang in there because it’s swings and roundabouts with feeling like this  ♥ 
    Caz xxxx

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