What do I do now?

Over the past 6 months I’ve been very busy and focused. I worked regularly with my Rabbi, and had lots of reading, as well as training to read Hebrew.

I did all of this to become a Bat Mitzvah.

I became a Bat Mitzvah this Saturday.

Family and friends came, and we had a lovely time together. We were constantly eating, which I always enjoy. I think I put on 5 pounds just in the 2-3 days we celebrated.

Now everyone is gone, and I’m feeling their absences acutely.

The weather has changed abruptly, and it rained almost all day today.

The days are getting shorter.

I’m feeling depressed.

I honestly feel like I don’t know what to focus on, next. I have not felt called to paint, and when I’ve tried to force myself, I’ve come out with mixed results.

Something in me is restless and weary.

All of the learning I was doing over the past months really held my attention, and made me feel centered.

My Bat Mitzvah is probably the closest that I’ll get to having a wedding. It is considered nearly as important, by Jews.

I would guess that after people plan their weddings, for months on end, and then finally do get married, there is a sense of being let down, that comes along with the joy and relief.

I will continue going to services at my Temple, and I will continue to forge new friendships there and elsewhere, and hopefully will delve into fun and inspiring things.

I’m going to need to be disciplined in my life, in the coming months, or I will easily fall into a state of depression.

I felt it creeping up on me, today, and that scared me. So, I must set up a plan that I stick to(mostly), to keep myself from the island of despair.

I feel blessed by the friends I have, both here in town, and in the Bay Area. I was so thankful to have my parents here, too. I feel proud of myself for sticking with the process that was necessary to get to, and through my Bat Mitzvah.

I’m just wondering, what do I do next?


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