My Bat Mitzvah is zooming up fast, ahead of me. The closer it gets, the more stressed I become.
This is supposed to be, firstly, a commitment for me to G-d, and a commitment to the Jewish community.
With all of the details-catering, buying an outfit, dinner for those who’ve traveled here, I feel the walls closing in.
I don’t feel ready. And, frankly, I don’t look forward to standing up in front of the temple, and performing.
I want this to feel real, and down to earth.
Part of me feels like my Bat Mitzvah has taken on a life of it’s own, and is growing organically at a rapid pace which I cannot control.
I keep having to bring myself back, to the WHY of the entire thing.
Though I want to do a good job, and not embarrass myself, or my friends, and family, I know that I cannot expect to glide through everything smoothly and perfectly.
No matter how much time I have, I would likely continue to feel unprepared!
Luckily I’ll be doing two practice runs with my Rabbi. One on Thursday, and one on the 20th.
I just have to buckle down with my studies, know that the people watching me, will also be the people in my life who love me, and know that there is no such thing as utter perfection.
Phew. I’ve got to go study, now.