Quieting That Harsh Voice

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portrait in acrylics, by Wendy Bloom, on a bad day

Like most people on the planet, I have this habit of comparing myself to others. 

At my best I feel inadequate. At my worst, I feel like a banana slug being trampled on.

It seems there are always tons of people who are smarter, more talented, prettier, and more selfless than I am.

I’m beginning to embody the wisdom, that life is not about proving your superiority and rising above the crowd.

It’s not about being the best of the best.

It’s about remembering who you genuinely are, embracing that being, and expressing her fullness into the world.

Having been very young when I was diagnosed with a serious chronic illness, did nothing to help my self-esteem.

I was insecure, withdrawn, and quiet, before I even got ill.  I really did not need any assistance to feel completely forlorn and tattered.

As we age, that little child that endured so much, remains, yearning for love and acceptance. No matter how many layers of accomplishments we paste on top of her, she is still very much present.

Regardless of what anyone tells you about yourself, you know yourself, and what you’ve dealt with, more.

I’m not saying here, that no one ever has any helpful advice, or insight into who we are.

However, I’ve decided that for me, part of finding a sense of peace, comes from trusting in this truth. By taking a flight into fancy, by believing in my own goodness, and worthiness.

We each have unique gifts to offer, to bring forth into the world. Perhaps that person over there can write better than I do, but they have not lived my life.

No one else on this planet can enrich the people around her in the distinctive way that you do. And, you cannot be somebody else. I’ve spent a lot of time trying, so I know!

So why not give yourself a chance, and focus on your strengths, more often than condemning yourself for perceived weaknesses? Why not be kind to yourself, rather than kicking yourself in the head for how stupid you are? Why not forgive yourself for all of the mistakes you’ve made in the past, and all of the mistakes that you’ll most probably make in the future?

This whole self-love thing takes a great deal of practice. I am far from perfect at it, and I’ve been in therapy since I was 20!

We all have to start somewhere.

It might take you a lifetime to fully win your own favor. But aren’t you worth the effort?

 

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