My Embarrassing Problem

I was going to title this piece, “The Perils Of Dating”, but I realized that this is more about my own personality tics, then anything else.

Unfortunately, this issue applies to all of my relationships, and not just my romantic ones.

  • I think that I’m omniscient.
  • I believe that I know what people are thinking.
  • I imagine that I can read, and interpret other’s behaviors correctly.

It’s a real problem.

Recently, I started dating a new guy, whom I like very much. I tend to get myself all wound up about these types of things.

We just had our second date, and I am going a bit insane with excitement. I feel like I’m going through puberty. Both physically, and emotionally.

Anyway. Some things that he said, and some things that he didn’t say, led me to believe that he wasn’t interested in a third date.

Rather than being calm, and allowing things to develop organically, I allowed my mind to travel all over the place. I came to negative conclusions that I convinced myself of. What’s worse, is that I lashed out at this man, based on what I had decided to be true.

I’ve done this so many times with friends, and with men I’ve dated, that you’d think I’d have let go of this way of this maladaptive way of functioning, years ago.  

But no. I received a call from my victim, in response to the pointed text I sent to him. He called me, completely confused, and upset.

  1. He had no idea of what was going on with me.
  2. He said he thought that things were going great.
  3. He also mentioned that texting is not a good way to express ones feelings-that I should call him and talk to him when I’m beginning to ruminate, rather than making assumptions.

OMG. I felt so ashamed. 

I always thought of myself as someone who was really in touch with her emotions. Someone who communicated well, and thoughtfully.

Though I’m giving myself hell, I’ve also been able to laugh at myself through this turmoil.

I’m hoping that I’m given a second chance with this guy, and that I can rectify what I’ve done.

And, I’m hoping that I’m in a place where I can learn. Really learn. I’m wrong more often than I’m right, when I do this mind reading trick of mine.

It’s past time for me to let go of a way of being that drives me looney, and that can instantaneously destroy new bonds that are forming, between myself, and new people in my life.

It’s always tough to change habits that are deeply ingrained. But I’ve come to believe that it is possible. With time, patience, and a sense of humor, we can grow and transition into the people we’re meant to be.

I know I’ll always be flawed, as this is part of what it means to be human. I’m just hoping that as life goes on, I’m able to become a little less so. A little less confused about how to communicate maturely, and clearly with the people in my world that I care about.

Finally, I’m hoping that I can reach a point where I’m a little more stable and confident within my 50 year old, constantly shifting, self.

Whoa. I’ve got a big job ahead of me!

2 Comments

  1. Made me chuckle that you referred to him as “your victim”! I’m sorry you’re having a repeat experience with this sort of thing, but wanted to let you know you’re not alone, at least with the whole jumping-the-gun side of things. I think, however, that it’s great you’re aware of what’s happened and that things are going in the right direction to rectify them (though I’d say he’d be lucky to give you another chance, rather than simply the other way around). Try not to be too hard on yourself, it’s all a learning curve (though I’m not sure I always learn from my mistakes when it comes to thinking I know what someone’s thinking and acting first to call things quits before the other person does!) x

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