I’m REALLY tired of being tired

It’s really hard living with an invisible illness. One where you try to explain it to healthy folks, and you just get grimaces in response.

Most people have been fortunate in that they haven’t had to struggle with disabling diseases for the majority of their lives.

I’m not stating here that this means that I’m the only one with problems. I realize it’s hard for all of us to put ourselves in the place of people who are suffering in different ways than our own. Empathy is painful, and we best learn from direct experience.

It can be very lonely being ill. It’s not easy to refrain from anger and bitterness concerning the limitations it confers.

My place is an absolute mess, and it makes it harder for me to want to invite people over because of it. When I do, I sometimes feel this judgment rolling off of my friends shoulders.

When you don’t even have the energy to do the things that are fun and fulfilling to you, how can you find the energy to clean the house?

I don’t want to feel like I need to surround myself only with people who daily combat chronic illness, but I’m in one of those moods today where I’m wondering if I should consider doing so. Of course this would require energy, so it probably won’t happen. And if you have two people with low energy, and general poor health, it is unlikely that you’ll be seeing each other too often…

It’s funny too, how frequently I’ll complain about being so isolated, and people just don’t get it at all. When I’ve gone three days without anyone spending a significant amount of time with me, I get depressed. Yes, it’s nice to have alone time, but only when it’s your choice to be alone.

I realize that I don’t understand many of the burdens that my healthy friends deal with. Their financial concerns, their tussles at work, their limited down time. At the same time, I would choose these issues over my own in a moment, if I had that power.

Having a body that you cannot depend on, just plain sucks. There is no getting around it.

As I know people reading this sometimes comment and give advice, here’s a word of warning: Don’t!

3 thoughts on “I’m REALLY tired of being tired

  1. I know you warned not to comment or give advice, and I know I’m not going through what you’re going through because your experience is uniquely your own, but I wanted you to know that most of what you’ve written are things I could have written about myself (though not as eloquently!) When others don’t understand, and they can’t ‘see’ how you feel and what you’re struggling with, it can be incredibly difficult. I don’t have any friends, aside from those online and one or two that are hours away and I haven’t seen in years, so I get isolation. Having an unpredictable body and one that doesn’t work as it should, and being bone-wearily exhausted, can be painful to deal with. Sending a hug your way..x

    1. To be honest, I would not mind advice from you, as I feel like you’ve dealt with serious illness yourself for many years. I guess when I said I didn’t want advice, it was meaning not from healthy friends, who have no idea what it’s like to deal with chronic health issues. I suppose 1 or 2 friends is really all we need, in a sense. I do have 3-4 friends here in town, which I would like to be more thankful for. Thank you for the kind words, and understanding. Big hug to you, too.

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