I don’t mean here that thinking is always a bad thing. But too much of that obsessive, circular thinking can suck up energy like a sponge.
I’ve done meditation for many years. Decades, even. It’s only recently that I’m becoming aware of just how distracted I am the vast majority of the time. Often, I’m attempting to answer questions that have no intellectual answer. The same questions come up continuously.
“Why am I sick? What should I do so that I heal? Why can’t I get better? What’s wrong with me? Why am I the person I am?” On and on it goes, where it stops…
I’ve also recently acknowledged that my energy level is being affected by my constant ruminations, and from an inability to feel rooted in my physical body. I’m always floating around above myself. Thinking, thinking, thinking, while rarely present.
I believe this is a common problem, with humans in general. I feel like ‘rational, analytical’ thinking has been elevated in our culture to a ridiculous level. Intuition is not seen as real, by many, and is customarily dismissed. It is also associated with the feminine, which by the way, is not so appreciated, either.
I’ve chosen to work with a meditation teacher, named David Gandelman, who has a podcast, called Energy Matters, http://www.energymatterspodcast.com/, and a website named Grounded Mind, https://groundedmind.com/. I know that I need guidance to get to a point where I’m enlightened. Just kidding!
I’d like to get to a place where I feel a deeper sense of peace, and satisfaction in my life. Where I am more involved with society, and contributing more of my gifts. I’ve spent a good deal of time hiding, as I’ve felt inferior, and weary so often.
I have this ability to pick up on people’s emotions too easily. Some people call this Psychic, some Empathic. I don’t know what to call it, but it impacts me greatly.
I am beginning to believe that many of us with chronic illnesses, have this ability to tune into others feelings. That we are overwhelmed by them, and that we aren’t able to separate our own thoughts and feelings from the people around us. We are bombarded by negativity, and don’t know how to protect ourselves.
With David, I will in part be learning how to protect myself from the onslaught of painful feelings that I encounter on a daily basis. I will also learn to better turn inward, and be grounded within myself.
These might sound like small things to you, or of little significance. I am quite certain that if all of us did this kind of work, we would be a calmer, kinder world.
So much of our focus is on what is wrong with the person next to us, what’s wrong with this country, that belief system, etc. It’s oriented outside of us. The key is to begin with oneself. I know that might sound preachy, perhaps it is! But it’s true.
I’m looking forward to shifts in my life that will occur as I learn more and more to be present in my body and in my life. To a lessening of my fatigue. To a greater sense of confidence in myself. To more joy, and to an enhanced ability to laugh at myself, and not take everything so damned seriously!
I’m already feeling slight differences in my being. Just with the awareness that this is an issue for me. I am excited to move forward with my training, and to learn more and more how to accept myself fully.