So today something very exciting and encouraging happened to me. I got an email from the manager at the Ashland Art Center, telling me that my work had been accepted to show at the gallery there. I was thrilled! This is huge for me.
I posted this on Facebook soon after I read the email. I even texted several friends about it. Mostly, I got enthusiastic responses, and congratulations.
Why is it then, that the one person who did not respond at all to my good news, ended up making me feel rotten?
For some reason, though I expected as much, I was set off by not receiving a ‘great!’, or ‘Happy for you!’, or some other acknowledgment of my accomplishment, from this man.
I’ve known him for a very long time. I am aware that he isn’t particularly supportive, and that he often ignores my texts.
It bothers me that I put myself out on the limb for him, waiting for his approval. That when I don’t get it, it affects me hugely.
It’s like I’m expecting a miracle will occur, and he’ll transform into a different person.
I don’t want to give my power away anymore. Because I want some kudos from him so badly, when I don’t get them, I feel crushed.
I’m not going to harp at myself, or criticize myself for these yearnings. But it’s important for me to be aware, that about 9 times out of 10, I’m let down emotionally by this guy.
I’d like to accept that he is NEVER going to be the person I’d like him to be, and that I can’t depend on him to lift my spirits, or to be a good friend. This will be the focus of some of my work for my 50th year.
How can I expect him to be for me, something that he’s never been able to be for himself?