My Return To Regular Life

It’s not that I haven’t missed my friends. Or that I haven’t at times even missed Oregon. But, for the most part, I’ve hugely enjoyed myself here in Hawaii, and have had some very rich experiences.

I flew into Hilo, on the Big Island of Hawaii, on the 2nd of July. I’ll be flying into Medford, OR, on the 12th of August at 12:41 am.

I feel like I’m leaving here a different person than I was when I arrived. Isn’t this often the case? Over a relatively short period of time we can be transformed. I wonder if what feels like a huge transition to me personally will be noticed by my friends?

It’s interesting how we can go along staying pretty much the same for months and years at a time. Then something hits us, and we are forever changed.

Just being able to live on my own for over a month without falling into a deep depression has been confidence building for me. Daily driving the equivalent of a jeep, down bumpy gravel roads made me feel tougher. Composting and being conscious of energy use made me feel more capable. My ability to meet new people, and get past my social anxiety enough to start interesting and enlightening conversations, also built up a stronger vision of myself.

One of the reasons that I chose a turtle for my recent tattoo, is that they carry their homes with them, wherever they go. I kind of felt this way on my trip. I knew that my family and friends were across the ocean, loving me and sending me good wishes. They were in my thoughts repeatedly, and I believe that I was in theirs. Having that distant yet real support enabled me to remain aware of my connections, while experiencing a new way of being.

I’ve definitely caught the travel bug. The longer I am away from my home, the harder is the thought of returning.

I’ve lived a very spontaneous, and often adventurous life here in Hawaii. I hope that I can incorporate this into my mode of living in Oregon.

It’s so easy to progress, and then to step backwards. I suppose that is the natural rhythm of being human. Changeable, but stuck in so many different places.

My current therapist who is amazing in her intuitive capabilities, as well as her sensitivity, doesn’t believe that we ever truly go back to where we started. She believes that we travel in spirals. Sort of hard to convey the idea in words. We go back, and we step forward several steps, we go back 2 steps, and step forward several more. And on it goes, hopefully until the end of our lives.

I hope that as I imprinted my turtle tattoo upon my body, I can imprint my adventures here in Hawaii upon my mind. Not just intellectually, but in my whole manner of functioning in this world.

Goodbye Hawaii. I will be back.


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