Could It Be Any Worse?

It’s strange. I got so used to being in solitude, that I didn’t really feel lonely anymore. Where I was in Pahoa, the population density was very low. In general I believe that the people who live there, are trying to escape the rest of humanity. I can understand why.

So, I went from this enchanted setting of tremendous beauty and privacy, to Kihei, in Maui, Hawaii.

I know I should be kicking my heels up with joy being that I’m so fortunate that I’ve been able to see not only one, but two Hawaiian islands. On one journey, no less!

In reality I’m reeling from the number of people here, and the shift in attitude. I’ve only been here one full day. Kihei is the South shore of the island. Very popular for the weather, and for the beautiful, white sand beaches.

I went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner tonight, and felt like an oddball sitting there at the booth, by myself. People surrounding me at other tables were either in twos, or in groups. I felt like withdrawing into myself. I also felt unseen in a way that I didn’t when I was sitting alone for dinner at one of the restaurants in Pahoa.

I think I got called Mam, by several different waitresses. I’m nearing 50. It used to be that on occasion I’d be called mam, but usually would be referred to as miss. That title is gut wrenching. It’s time to come up with a better one. They might as well have said, “Let me get your walker, you are no longer attractive, and it’s time you got yourself off to the old folks home.”

What is real beauty? What is truly sexy, and exciting? If you can’t get by in cut-off shorts, your hair is graying, and you’ve put on a few pounds then you’ve lost your youth and you’re out of the game.

It doesn’t matter how attractive I feel. Since Mam has become my new title, I feel beat up and dejected. Nearly embarrassed for putting on a pretty dress!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.



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