Cut Into Pieces

It’s strange how out of step, and disconnected I can feel sometimes. Like my body and my mind are totally separate and acting independently.

There is an entrenched way of thinking about ourselves in this world. Doctors like to set up artificial boundaries between mind and body. Diseases are mental or physical. It’s a false demarcation. And it gets us into trouble.

Diseases like Major Depressive Disorder, and Schizophrenia are labeled as mental health conditions. Diseases like Crohn’s disease, Lupus, and heart disease are referred to as physical issues.

The funny thing is that the more that is understood about our beings, the more of a confirmation is arising that everything within us is interconnected. I’m not sure where this need for isolating physical and mental health problems came from originally. Where the denial originated. The denial of us being more than the sum of our parts.  This kind of compartmentalization has had a very deleterious effect on humanity. It’s marred our understanding of how the world works. Of how we work.

We are far from simple organisms. I know from my own experience with doctors, that there are a myriad of questions that they cannot answer. What they know seems to be constantly shifting. They only have a small piece of the equation, but like to think of themselves as experts.

What is good health? What does the word ‘healing’ truly mean? I believe that sometimes we heal our souls, but the body does not heal. And that often we heal our bodies, but are unable to heal our minds.

Is anyone really well? I know that I am asking more questions than I’m answering here. Often I think and think. My mind goes around in circles. It’s when I’m not thinking that most answers do come!

I’ve had an auto-immune disease since I was 10. I turn 50 in September. I’ve also had Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder for nearly as long. If I’m upset and stressed out, my symptoms get worse. If my physical symptoms get worse, my mental state suffers. And so it goes.

I’ve grown closer to feeling at home within myself as the decades have passed. Part of that feeling comes from the realization that nothing is separate within me. That I am a unified whole. That I can’t honestly break myself up into bits and pieces. That understanding doesn’t necessarily come from my head.

I believe that finding total health is elusive, and unattainable. I believe that some of the people that are physically the sickest have the greatest level of awareness, and are the healthiest of spirits.

Part of feeling at home in my body has come from an acknowledgment that all of us are sick, and have our weaknesses at varying levels. I’ve also understood that there is no such thing as normal. That was a life changing paradigm shift for me. Understanding who I am,  and learning to accept her has been for me a huge part of becoming healthy.

I still have my intestinal issues. I still suffer from disabling fatigue. I still have moments, even days where I feel terribly depressed. But it’s really okay. Being able to see that all of us have our struggles, and all of us have our shortcomings has been helpful to me. Perfection is subjective. It’s a state that doesn’t exist. Once I swallowed that one down, it made my life easier.

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