I’ve spent most of my life looking outside of myself for answers. I’ve dealt with both a physical chronic illness, and a mental one. I’ve searched for decades seeking cures and guidance. It always seems to lead back to myself, and to my own awareness.
I met a guru here in Hawaii. With a turban, and kind, kind eyes. I visited him, and he told me some things about myself. He said that my angels and guides are surrounding me, that the universe is caring for me, and that they are waiting for me to come around. To use the many tools I’ve gathered throughout my lifetime, and even before this lifetime to help people around me.
I tend to think most about helping myself and of healing physically. I like to imagine that I will reach some fixed point where I am feeling great, and confident, and ready to tackle the darkest issues of my soul.
I’ve always felt like the answers should come first for healing myself, before I can begin to help others.
I’m almost 50 now. I would guess that at least half of my life is over. I can’t wait any longer.
It was interesting, because on the one hand, the guru told me that it was key to recapture my personal power. Then he told me that I must follow him to heal. A real contradiction, there.
In the past, I would have leaped willingly into a student-teacher relationship with this man. But something did not sit right. I’ve listened for so long to what other people think of me, and what they believe I need to do to get my life on track. It was something of an awakening to understand that everything I need is within myself. That I have all the answers. That I know myself better than anyone else does, or ever will.
I think one of the hardest things for me is to trust in what I hear coming up from deep within. It seems to be so much easier to trust in someone else, to look elsewhere for divine understanding. I am realizing that I’ve been deluded in my thinking. I had it all wrong. I’ve got to continue to connect with myself and my soul, and listen to the answers she gives me. And have total faith that those answers are true.
So, I’ve decided to embark on a journey that involves trusting myself, and my own innate healing abilities. Why is it so hard to believe that we have all the answers to the questions we’re asking, or longing to ask?
I’ve found that most individuals who seek to make a living as a healer understand less about themselves, than I do about my own self. My experience has been that they easily give advice to me about how I should live my life, and how I will heal. How could they possibly understand my situation, my hang ups and my strengths any better than I do now?
I’ve decided, from now on, that I’m my own guru. That when I have a question, or I need healing, I will go towards my deepest self. And I will listen with an open heart, to what she has to say.